The Art of Diversion

The end of Sunday's Chiefs/Broncos massacre left a lot of different angles for Kansas City sports media to dissect. The defense put the Chiefs in a hole that was nearly impossible to dig out of. Matt Cassel was horrible, yet was able to put up over 400 yards, and in essence, keep fan favorite Brodie Croyle off the field. The coaching staff got run over. There were endless possibilities for writers and radio hosts to tackle.

But then, at the very end, Todd Haley snuffed Josh McDaniels for all the world to see. And now all of the city has to hear about it.

There was finger-pointing, yelling and more than likely some harsh words. It was a perfect television snapshot. Drama, suspense. It's the kind of story the media loves to run with. The game all of a sudden didn't matter. This was Haley vs McDaniels. It will get higher ratings than Pacquiao vs Margarito.

Only, I've seen this before. I remember the 17th of September. 2006. The Belichick-Mangini shake that shook the world. But it never really shook anything. The Hoodie is still the mastermind of the Patriots. Mangini is now heading the impressive Cleveland Browns. The handshake that wasn't never meant a thing. It was as meaningless as a preseason game or a Boise State regular season game.

Make no mistake, the Kansas City and Denver media will latch onto this like their own little version of Brangelina. You will hear words like "classless" and "unsportsmanlike". Those who step on their soap box to proclaim Todd Haley is a jerk will also praise him if he wins the AFC West. This whole episode will be long forgotten, as was Belichick and Mangini's.

I, for one, don't care about handshakes or finger-pointing or any of that. I care about football. Unfortunately, a squabble between two coaches will take away from any insight sports media members, with all their access and contacts, could possibly give us. It is a lazy way out. Much easier to discuss photographed bitchery than break down a game.

Sadly, this will divert eager Chiefs fans from the analysis they desire. After all, analysis is a loser's game; every wrong prediction will be remembered, every right call blown off. This is a way for media to consume a topic that is purely sensational.

Shame on anyone who tries to make this a story. I want sports, not a soap opera.

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Antiweis Superstar: How Todd Haley is becoming the new Marilyn Manson

Note: this article is lengthy and requires the reader to learn a little bit about a non-sports subject to get the overall point. If you'd like to skip straight to the sports stuff, just scroll down past the dotted lines and you'll see it. But I highly suggest you read the entire thing.

I have been a Chiefs fan since the day I was born. Every year, I follow the team like a hawk, spending so much time dissecting every little aspect of the game that I question my sanity. But this year is different. The Todd Haley Era is confusing me. It wasn't until I pulled myself away from football and delved into some of my other interests that I encountered a possible explanation.

That other interest was Marilyn Manson.

I am a huge Manson fan. Put aside for a second what you think you know about the man or the band. I'm sure images of Satanism and kids in makeup come to mind, but understand that Marilyn Manson - or Brian Warner, as his mother named him - is what I consider a musical genius.

The Reflecting God

His finest album, Antichrist Superstar, is a misunderstood masterpiece. I have always felt that ACS was a concept album chronicling the life of a weak, timid person who becomes a famous rock star who believes in too much of his power. This also happens to be the exact same concept of Pink Floyd's The Wall. That, by itself, is probably more thought than most people put into Manson's records. But then I came across an article that took it further.*

*For in-depth look into Antichrist Superstar, read this essay by Paula O'Keefe.

On Manson's official message board, someone had posted an essay by Jeff Cohn, which is a kind of conspiracy theory behind the singer's motives.

In short, (but I'd ask you to read the whole thing), Cohn suggests that the band Marilyn Manson has been, well, made up. The claim is, that from its inception, that every album, song and lyric Manson has written has been just a clue pointing to some greater point.

Marilyn has woven a complicated web of clues to catch him...we must all be forensic psychologist’s now. This is our “Seven” our “Silence of the Lambs” (One of Marilyn’s all time fav. movies) . We as fans must all continue to question everything and think deeper than the obvious surface level.

At first glance, this seems nearly impossible. It reminds me of claims that Pink Floyd's Dark Side Of The Moon was written to coincide with The Wizard Of Oz.* To achieve something so great - in this case, starting a band and writing songs to become one puzzle piece at a time that would take the highest amount of fame to work - just sounds crazy to imagine. But perhaps many artists have tried this very thing, but only Manson has been able to reach the highest point of popularity necessary to make it work. Maybe, instead being the only one to try this and it working at first strike, he is just one out of a thousand, and was the only one to be successful.

*Don't think I haven't noticed the parallels between Manson and Floyd. The same themes seem to occur in both bands, which may point to Cohn being closer to the truth than one might be comfortable with.

Mister Superstar

The idea that an art form, or an entire life, might be one that was preconceived and then actually achieved isn't an idea that a person can just accept. This makes the listener accept two things. One, that somebody can actually morph the perceptions of others to what that artist wants you to think is real, and two, that you are one of those people.

This takes a level of belief in one's self and belief that others will allow you to go on long enough to make the dream happen that is unrealistic to most. When it comes to Manson, he needed to make non-music that posed as actual rock and roll to start his puzzle, if Cohn's theory is correct. But that also had to be good enough to get him to where he needed to be, which is rock stardom. It's extremely hard to make good music, but to make good music that actually isn't music at all? Manson would have to be in the top 1% of musical minds to achieve this.

Then he would need to catch all the breaks (grab an AR man's attention, get airplay, etc.), or else this is just crap music that nobody ever hears. Again, it is entirely possible that Manson is just one out of many who has tried this, but only he has achieved it. But the master planning involved is mind-blowing. It takes a great leap of faith to acknowledge.

But it is fun to imagine that somebody out there had what it takes to create this. It's what has always drawn me to Marilyn Manson's music. So what does this have to do with sports, and specifically, the Chiefs? Please allow me to explain.

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The Beautiful People

All was going right in Kansas City. The Chiefs were winning. The running game was on fire, the defense was playing well, special teams was flourishing. In the back of everybody's mind was the thought, "Why isn't Jamaal Charles getting the ball?" But we suppressed that thought. After all, you don't change a winning formula.

Even with losses to the Colts and Texans, and a near disaster to the Bills, the 5-2 Chiefs couldn't be questioned. This was a team that was expected to do nothing and be nothing, and yet here they were, controlling their division and their own destiny.

But then Sunday happened. The Raiders happened. A 15 penalty, 3 turnover debacle that most NFL teams would've put away at halftime. The Chiefs, however couldn't put it away. They gave the ball to their average-at-best quarterback rather than their 5.3 yards-per-carry superstar. It didn't make any sense.

So the question is: why? Why try to feature your limited quarterback and not the one guy who has proved to be the best player on the team?

Perhaps Todd Haley is putting together the pieces of a puzzle that we don't quite yet understand.

Man That You Fear

The theory, as far as I know, was first proposed by sports radio host Nick Wright here in Kansas City; that Haley and offensive coordinator Charlie Weis are consciously trying to convince people that quarterback Matt Cassel is better than everybody thinks he his. The idea is that Haley and Weis are purposely "highlighting" Cassel during regular season games. This basically means that the coaching staff is going away from the best game plan possible. The reasons for this can be only one of two things:

1. Haley and Weis are so stubborn, that they rather die with swordplay rather than bust out their guns.

2. They are giving Cassel meaningful reps to help build his talent and confidence, even if that means losing meaningful games.

Now think: there are only 32 human beings on the entire planet who are NFL head coaches. Would one of them risk losing his job just out of pure pride and stubbornness? Insane as it sounds, it actually makes more sense that one of them has devised such a complex plan that he truly believes in - a plan that includes wasting a possible playoff season to build towards a grander goal.

It's the same creation of illusion that, theoretically, Manson has built. The idea here is that the team is not ready for Super Bowl contention just yet, so it's better to let Cassel have real-game experience of shouldering the load, while at the same time limiting Jamaal Charles' touches to save him from injury. The crazy thing about it is that in these times coaches are expendable and you must have total faith that this plan will work, and work quickly.

So the question becomes. do you have the patience and faith that Haley, Weis and general manager Scott Pioli can pull this thing off?

Irresponsible Hate Anthem

Of course, there is the argument that everyone on Twitter has been sending my way: it is what it is. Thomas Jones is just more dependable, audibles are being called for passes because of defensive looks, etc. And that is entirely possible. But Charles has been limited the entire season, and when he does get the ball, he explodes. The only way that in-game strategy could be at fault would be that if Haley and Weis knew the exact times when the defense wasn't expecting Charles, which is completely false. There is obviously a premeditated strategy here, right?

That kind of out-of-the-box thinking is rare and dangerous in today's NFL. It also points to a thousand-point-plan that can't be trusted with today's media scrutiny. To take it back to Manson, would his low quality "Marilyn Manson and the Spooky Kids", and it's lack of popularity, give him the chance he needed in today's iTunes-heavy, single-oriented music landscape?

Of course not. But this is the same kind of deceit and faith that Haley and Company seem to be operating on. But you have to believe that these kind of men exist; men that are so self-confident that they dare to change the way the game is played solely because they have a vision.

I'm willing to accept that Marilyn Manson was this kind of person, and so too is Todd Haley. I can let go of what I think I know about the entertainers that are in front of me. After all, isn't the belief that great, visionary men are amongst us that keeps life interesting?

If this is just imaginary, and Haley really is just stubborn, then so be it. But I will now watch the Chiefs as I listen to Manson's music; an experience that I can draw my own interpretations to, letting me better understand the world I'm living in. After all, that is basically the point of entertainment, and sports is entertainment.

The Chiefs are my new Marilyn Manson, And just like the singer, I'm sure everybody will hate me and ridicule me for being a fan. So be it.

Rock on, Todd Haley.

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The Illusion of Caring

Every Christmas, there is a unique sociology experiment that I think everybody should partake in. Go to a Wal-Mart, stand outside, and watch the creative ways in which people try to ignore the Salvation Army workers. Some will pull out their cell phones, acting like they are checking a message. Some will spark up a conversation with whoever is accompanying them. We all have our strategies.

Yet, if confronted individually, every one of them would say that they cared about charities, and the Salvation Army specifically. And in their heart of hearts, they would truly believe that. Even if shown a video of them blowing off a SA volunteer, most people would make up some kind of excuse, and go on believing they are a caring person.

This is pretty much the behavior of the average NFL fan.

Joe Sports Fan would lead you to believe that he cares about football players. He'll tell you that he's against helmet-to-helmet contact and "illegal hits". He'll tell you that the players need more protection. And in his heart of hearts, he believes this. But Joe Sports Fan has been blowing off the brutality of the NFL for years.

Every football fan knows, and had always known, that the game ruins its players. We've heard story after story about Player X being diagnosed with dementia at age 45, or how the every day blows an offensive linemen endures takes twenty years off his life. This is not news. Anyone who watched just one football game in their life could understand the severity of the violence taking place.

Yet, we all watched. And we paid. And we cheered. While news leaked out about how the NFL basically discards its former players and their health, we screamed about how something should be done, and then continued to tune in to watch current players getting their brains mashed in. When a player went down with his third concussion in six weeks, knowing that those injuries will haunt him for the rest of his life, we responded with concern and teary eyes - that is, until the medical staff scraped him off the field and the next play began.

Fact is, football fans rank entertainment over the well-being of the players. 99% of fans kept paying the NFL and supporting the game even as guys got bigger, stronger and faster. The violence was never bloody enough for us to put down our foam fingers or sell off our fantasy teams.

But now Roger Goodell and the NFL say that the game needs to be safer; that it's worth taking away some of the most exciting plays of the game to help the players. Just about everybody is in agreement with this. They care about safety too, they say. They care about the players.

Because if they really did care, what they are admitting is that their own trivial entertainment is more important then something they feel deeply and emotionally about. And this might be true for some. Some people might actually wince and get a sick feeling in their stomach when there's a brutal hit. At best, these people just have extremely screwed up priorities. The kind that put their car or boat ahead of their own children, which we usually agree is a type of horrible human being.

I feel that most fans fall into a different group. Most people never think about injuries or overall health of athletes until it is presented to them. They are the Salvation Army ignorers. They watch with tunnel-vision; never able to see past what is on their screen or what they are already looking for. Football is always about the game, nothing more. Injuries are a part of that game.

To sit there watching and holding the knowledge that what it is you are seeing will eventually end the lives of the athletes, is in and of itself an unmoral, primitive thing. To enjoy something that is so violent is nearly evil. And to say afterwards that you care about the lives being ruined on the field is wholly dishonest, and in a way more unmoral and evil than admitting that you are unmoved at all.

If video of me at Wal-Mart ever surfaces, you'll see this: someone who just walks past the volunteer like he doesn't exist. If presented with a documentary or still photos of those in need, the human emotion in me would probably break down and give a little something. But that isn't the real me. That is a version of me reacting to guilt.

I don't feel guilty about liking big hits, because I don't pretend to care about those who suffer the blows. And for three hours (or six, or nine) on Sundays, I walk right pass the sad reality to enjoy some cheap entertainment. I'm okay with this, because I never concern myself with issues like morality, or more accurately, what definition of morality society has designed for me.

But you do. So you care. At least, you care when someone is watching. I say let us that truly enjoy the game for what it is have the game that we grew up watching. If you want safety, you need to move on to a safer form of entertainment. Don't let your guilt drag the rest of us down with you.

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Contract Killers

I am pro-celebrity. While others stand around the water cooler making fun of Tom Cruise and Lindsey Lohan, I understand how they and other crazy famous people got that way. When gossipers proclaim their disgust when the rich and famous complain about, well, being rich and famous, I side with the faces I see on the magazines. I rarely ever bitch about those who have it all.

So when I cringe upon hearing guys like Darrelle Revis say they aren't making enough millions, it's not because I can't relate to disputing over two or four million dollars. It's because the simple fact that millions are on the table is what makes every decision in sports life or death. Getting rid of Revis would cripple the Jets, and he knows that. He holds all the leverage. Well, he would if there wasn't a lockout looming anyways.

Nothing makes this more clear than what's happening in St. Joseph, Missouri.

Last week I attended my first Chiefs training camp. I was pumped. If I was still sixteen, I might have even been stoked. There was little that could have happened that would drain my excitement. Except, of course, seeing Matt Cassel.

In a word, the Chiefs' #1 quarterback has been awful. He just doesn't look like a starting NFL quarterback. Since he was eighteen years old, the only time Cassel has looked good as a starter was when he was paired with the likes of Randy Moss and Wes Welker. Last year's struggles were mainly blamed on the team as a whole being bad. But with nobody near him, simply running drills, he looked like he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. If nobody knew who he was, not one person attending would've figured he was the de facto starter.

But we do know who he is, and most importantly, what he makes. He is the $63 million dollar man, and you don't let that much money rot on the bench, even if it helps your team.

The Oakland Raiders know this. They continually trotted out JaMarcus Russell, though it was obvious to everyone that he didn't belong on the field. But Russell was the Raiders' #1 pick, and they couldn't justify letting his contract sit. The result was an okay Raiders team being sent to the slaughter every week because the most important position was being occupied by a purple drank drinking bust. If everyone on the team made equal pay, or drastically less, then the decision to say "we screwed that pick up" could have been made.

And I fear Matt Cassel will be the Chiefs' JaMarcus Russell. At this point, Brodie Croyle is the far superior quarterback, but will play second fiddle because of all the money tied up in Cassel. The same goes with defensive lineman Tyson Jackson, who, excluding this year's rookies, is the 13th highest paid player in the league. If anyone has looked worse than Cassel, it's Jackson. But you don't sit the 13th highest paid player. Not even if he's horrible.

I could care less about holdouts and gold digging rookies. The players can get paid, so they do everything in their power to get paid more. I get it. What kills me is how much power that money gives players, and how it strips decisions from coaches. The 2010 Chiefs will be worse because of those two contracts, and there is nothing coach Todd Haley or anyone else can do about it. If he sits Cassel and Jackson, he may get fired. If he plays them and the team tanks, he could get fired as well, and we'll all think of him as a bad coach, when in reality he was doing all he could to win.

This is not sports, it's economics, and bad economics at that. It's also the way it will always be from here on out. I just hope Haley has the balls to play the best players, not the highest paid. But I'm not holding my breath.

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Rick Reilly & The Mothers of Inventing Stories

The transition between spring and summer can provide a lull for some sports fans. Baseball is just getting under way. The Red Sox are under .500 and the Nationals are above .500; it's a little too early to know anything. The NBA isn't for everybody and the playoffs can get dragged out. Golf? Only if Tiger is in contention on Sunday.

It is in times like these where stories that would never see the light of day in October or March surface. Stories like whether or not Dez Bryant's mother was a whore.

Honestly, I don't really care about Dez Bryant. My team didn't draft him and I don't care to pick him up in fantasy football. But I do find it interesting/comical/sad that so many people are outraged that Jeff Ireland, GM of the Miami Dolphins, was curious to find out if the wide receiver's mom was a prostitute under his pimp of a dad.

The most shocked people say that his upbringing doesn't really matter. Leading this charge is ESPN's Rick Reilly, who hasn't put two seconds of thought in any article he has written since joining the World Wide Leader. Reilly seems to think that you shouldn't be wary of someone because of their upbringing, an asinine idea that The Big Lead's Tyler Duffy immediately strikes down.

It's almost hard to believe that someone has to come out and prove that kids raised by pimps, whores, drug dealers and criminals actually turn into - wait for it - pimps, whores, drug dealers and criminals. I know this country loves the underdog stories of growing up hard and blossoming out of it against all odds. But these are the exceptions, not the rule.

Now, just because you have a shady background doesn't mean you can't be successful. But if you are Jeff Ireland and thinking about spending millions of dollars on a prospect, wouldn't you want every bit of information you could find? Believe me, children of pimps and crack dealers are far less likely to be stable adults than kids of Duke graduates. It's a red flag, to be sure.

There are two lessons to be learned here. First is that Rick Reilly is about as relevant anymore as Royals playoff hopes. The second is that we need to accept reality. It's alright to say that Dez Bryant has a lot going against him due to his upbringing. Nothing against him personally, but that is a lot of baggage. Most middle-classers still bitch to their therapists about their parents getting divorced forty years after the fact. You can't act like it doesn't matter.

Add that to the fact that Bryant was thought of as a malcontent before this story even broke, and that in his best season he had only one touchdown on the road, then it paints not such a pretty picture. If he ends up being a great wide receiver, fine. But the big business of the NFL has every right to vet rookies.

The past matters. As the saying goes, "those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it". The NFL learned from the histories of Pacman Jones and others. The only question now is will Dez Bryant learn from his parents' history. Will we see.

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Don't Buy The Hype

I'll put this out there right now: I'm not a Tim Tebow fan. I don't like him as a pro quarterback, and I certainly hate his holier-than-thou, good two-shoes personality. For his entire college career, every NFL expert agreed with me. Well, the part about him not making it as a pro, anyways.

In the few months between the end of his reign at Florida and the NFL draft, something changed. The conversation regarding Tebow's NFL future went from a 3rd to 5th round prospect to a possible 1st round threat. How did this happen?

An endless amount of publicity surely helped. You couldn't hear any talk about the draft without Tim Tebow's name coming up. Everyone wanted to know what round he'd go, what team what take that flier, if his throwing motion had changed, etc. The simple act of his name being heard surely advanced his status. But that's not the main reason.

There is this notion out there that Tebow is the ultimate warrior. He practices harder, plays harder and cares more than anybody else. For the sake of argument, I'll concede that. Let's say he really is the one guy who gives 110% every play. So what?

Remember Byron Leftwich? Click on this video. Forget the picture of Tebow with blood running down his face, Leftwich couldn't even walk down the field. You could say that nobody was tougher or cared more than Leftwich did. Very few people think that Tebow will be as successful as Leftwich was in the NFL, and he's currently the backup for the Pittsburgh Philanderer, Big Ben, traded for a mere 7th round draft pick.

Toughness means something, sure, but it isn't everything. You still need the tools. NFL teams will take the lazy Brandon Marshall over the hard-working Doug Flutie every day. And guess what, Sam Bradford, Jimmy Clausen and Colt McCoy aren't exactly bums. They too work their asses off and deeply care about the game. But they have one thing that Tim Tebow doesn't - a style of play that translates into the NFL.

Maybe Tebow will make it as an NFL quarterback. Nobody knows. But he doesn't have a monopoly on heart. Other guys have just as much desire as he does. They just have other qualities that shine brighter, while that's the only thing Tebow has to lean on. Good luck, Denver.

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Vote For Ben

I'll admit, Draft Day is getting to me. I have publicly come out against this new format, where Round 1 is now prime time on Thursday night. I still believe that it will take the excitement out of the later rounds. But today has a different feel than other NFL drafts. It almost feels like Election Day.

With the old Saturday/Sunday format, it started early enough that you couldn't think about things all day. There was just an hour or so of pre-draft specials, not the all day, CNN-esque coverage like today. When you have to wait all day long for the thing to even start, well, you start begging for more information.

This year, we all want to know one thing: Is Ben Roethlisberger going to be a part of it?

That's the story, because what we're talking about here is a 2-time Super Bowl winning quarterback, a young franchise quarterback, who instantly makes your team better. And you can get him fifty cents on the dollar. Pittsburgh seems ready to let him go.

The odd thing is, nobody seems eager to get him. I'm not talking about the actual teams (who the hell knows what they're thinking), but the fans. All I hear is how Big Ben is nothing but trouble and only suited to be a Raider. This is all based off his off-field performances, because before this offseason there was nothing short of Manning or Brady straight up that would've pried him away from the Steelers.

So are we really that moral, or do we just want to be heard that way? Remember how everyone hated Michael Vick's return? Well, it didn't take long for Philly fans to start chanting his name. When it comes down to it, we'll take a winner no matter what. Ray Lewis proved this. So did Pacman Jones.

I would bet the farm that Roethlisberger cleans up his act. I mean, he has to, right? So imagine getting his productivity, then add the fact that he won't be running around trying to get ass and pounding Jager-bombs. Shouldn't we expect his numbers to go up?

As a Chiefs fan, I'll give up the #5 pick and Matt Cassel if they want him. Reports are that a first round pick is all the Steelers really want. Other than Eric Berry, I have a hard time making a case of a home run pick at #5, and even then your taking a potential Pro Bowl safety over a proven, possibly Hall of Fame quarterback in Big Ben.

Say what you want about character issues, I want to win. I vote for Ben.

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Sympathy for the Devils

Imagine the scene. Police walk in, they see the body of a man who has hung himself. A woman is bound and strangled to death. Then the body of a seven year old boy, strangled as well. It sounds straight out of a horror movie. This was the scene of the double murder-suicide committed by professional wrestler Chris Benoit. It's a story that is seen as the tipping point for experts and ex-athletes who have called for action for the protection of players. It is what ex-wrestler Christopher Nowinski has made a career out of.

Nowinski and others have been pleading for years that something needs to be done about the dangers football players and other athletes face. The concussions, the violence. It all leads to dementia, Alzheimer's, brain damage, etc. It's the evil leagues that have no sympathy for the players. The NFL lets old linebackers wither and die. Major League Baseball turned the other cheek while players were destroying their own bodies. This is what men like Nowinski claim.

But here's the reality: it's the players' own unions that are killing them. As was seen by many people, including myself in September of 2007, a test for HGH was coming, and the unions wouldn't like it. Well, the test is here, and according to the NFL Players Union, "at this point, there's no reason to believe that blood-testing for NFL players will or should be implemented."

Actually, there are reasons. It's the same reasons why Benoit murdered his family and countless ex-NFL players have committed suicide. The same reasons why Nowinski thinks the NFL is the devil. Contact sports can literally kill you. Now multiply that by 100 when you add HGH in the picture. The hits are harder and the after effects are more damaging. But the Union's stance? They don't want it.

The NFL wants it. Roger Goodell wants it. For as much criticism that the league gets, it's really the Players Union that could care less. And for what? So it won't come out publicly that many of the league's stars are using the same drugs that Chris Benoit used? That would be just as damaging to the NFL itself, not just the players. But they are willing to accept that trade. The Union isn't. The only protection they are interested in is financial protection.

So the next time you hear about some old player dangling from his ceiling or drooling over himself at age 45, don't just attack the leagues. Ask yourself, what are the unions doing to prevent this? The answer: absolutely nothing.

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America's Team

A lot has been made of the plight of New Orleans. Katrina, the horrid history of the Saints, the city that was forgotten. That's why every non-Colts fan was rooting for them. But you can take all of that and throw it out the window, because the real reason we were all Saints fans for one day can be described in two words: Who Dat.

Those words are ignorant. They are uneducated. They are words spoken with a down South, good ole boy dialect, representing a lack of knowledge or interest in the right or proper way to speak or act. In the 21st century, we strive to be smarter. We want to be more refined. But the heart of America and what it means to be American is why we were so anxious to jump on the Saints bandwagon to begin with; the love for the underdog.

To quote Bill Murray in Stripes:

We're Americans, with a capital 'A', huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts!

That's America. We love the Louisiana natives who still speak in a faux-English that is otherwise deemed as the dialect of the dumb. They are more honest and true than their progressive friends of the North. A lot of conservatives bad-mouthed the city for not leaving during Hurricane Katrina and standing tall at their homes. But that's NOLA; loyalty and patriotism over knowledge and reason.

It's why an Aints fan is still a Saints fan. It's, like it or not, why this win means more than a Colts win would've meant for Indianapolis. It's why American optimism still exists when there's so many reasons to give up.

New Orleans is full of mutts, full of citizens that were so easily forgotten. But that makeup is what has made Americans so impressive to the rest of the world. You can be Peyton Manning - a new-age technological machine - but that can't overcome passion and voodoo. It's the unmeasurable that beats the stats.

That's America, and the New Orleans Saints are America's team.

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Be Careful What You Wish For

For me, the most important athlete of all time is Michael Jordan. He was the first superstar to brand himself, to go corporate. He inadvertently set the bar for every athlete after him. Since Jordan, the template to become a sports celebrity is to be as clean as possible and never take a stand on anything. Because of this, we pine for more athletes to have opinions on social issues. That is, of course, until an athlete actually has an opinion.

Now, I'm no fan of Tim Tebow. The background to my Twitter page is a picture of him crying after the Alabama loss. But the criticism he's receiving over his anti-abortion ad that's set to premier during the Super Bowl is a clear case of hypocrisy.

I also need to add that I'm not a fan of his message either. Truthfully, I don't care enough about abortion to have an opinion, but if I were to choose sides, I would be pro-choice. So everything about this ad should anger me. But it doesn't. I say let Tebow and whatever Christian group that funds him (Focus on the Family, in this case) do what they want. It's a free country.

But the fact that people are coming down on Tebow just goes to show that when people finally get what they want, they find that it wasn't exactly what they were looking for. Here we have a superstar that has the balls to express his opinions, and now everyone wants him to shut up. It's not like this is news; Tebow has always been an outspoken Christian. What did you think his stance on abortion was?

However, this is a very bad career move for Tebow. It's hard to be a franchise quarterback in the NFL when half of your fanbase disagrees with you on such a polarizing issue. It would be different if he played a non-team sport like golf or tennis, but the most important position in football? You need your guys on your side, and like it or not, some players will not want to play for a guy like him. It actually makes this stand even more impressive that he's willing to sacrifice that. Or, he was just incredibly short-sighted and doesn't understand what these kinds of outspoken opinions mean in the long run.

I cannot stand Tim Tebow the player or Tim Tebow the man, but I'm not going to vilify him because he's taking his message to the streets. The kid is brave. He's going to need that bravery when his non-pro skills get him pummeled in the NFL by an angry pro-choice linebacker.

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The Sweetest Gig

The NFL needs to borrow the NBA's motto, "Where Amazing Happens". It doesn't make any sense for professional basketball. Good teams beat bad teams, the Finals are nearly set by February. The only thing amazing about the NBA is that the Nets have only won 3 games this season. That's as many games as the Jets have won in January alone. That's a football team, by the way.

But the NFL never ceases to amaze me. Not because of so-called "parity" or jaw-dropping skill. What amazes me about the NFL is the amount of horrible decisions that are made at a staggering rate of regularity.

For example, Norv Turner and Wade Phillips getting extensions. Now, I'm all for consistency and not making knee-jerk reactions by firing everyone involved, but extensions? It's the same mindset that Notre Dame used when giving Charlie Weis millions of dollars because he won a few games with somebody else's players. Not firing the coach is one thing, but giving more money and more years to a guy after he failed to meet expectations for the Xth year in a row?

The NBA gets it right with coaches. GMs have no problem canning a guy one month into a season because it's obvious he can't get it done. You don't hear things like "they just need more talent, it's not the coach's fault" in basketball. I mean, what's the point of a coach if you don't expect him to win with a team that isn't loaded from top to bottom? Any fan off the street could coach the Chargers into the playoffs. From there on out, it's strategy and motivation that keeps a team rolling.

Seriously, where is the bar set for NFL head coaches? Marvin Lewis got Coach of the Year basically for keeping his team from self-destructing. Then the playoffs happened. And they self-destructed. First year head coach Jim Caldwell decided to scrap a perfect season to let a team into the playoffs who might end up beating them. Brad Childress lost his head coaching job to Brett Favre. Wade Phillips got out-coached by Brad Childress. Must I go on?

Couple those decisions with the Bills hiring Chan Gailey (seriously?) and the Raiders interviewing head coaches before they even fired their current head coach, and I must ask, are the best football minds even working in the NFL? Or is there something I'm missing? Is there some kind of genius working behind the scenes that keeps Eric Mangini employed while Jon Gruden has to sit in a booth?

Perhaps the reason there is parity in the NFL is because all teams are equally inept at making the right calls. Even dynasties like the Patriots, who have arguably the smartest coach of all time, plagued themselves with poor decision making this year. Nobody's perfect, but hell, some of these teams aren't even trying. Maybe I'll be proven wrong with next year's Chargers/Cowboys Super Bowl, but I doubt it.

Every football fan in America couldn't possibly be wrong about this, could they? Amazing.

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Big Brother, Where Art Thou? (Part Two)

I wrote an article a few months ago laying out why baseball should be controlled, in nearly all forms, by a review booth. Balls and strikes, home runs, everything. And after the horrid refereeing during Sunday's Packers/Cardinals game, it got me thinking: should football be controlled from the eye in the sky as well?

The answer is yes. And no. Let me explain. Here's what I wrote in terms of baseball:

How about every call is booth reviewed? Every ball, every strike, every close call. If TBS can install a strike zone during its telecast, why can't the MLB? It's easy: someone upstairs watches the pitch using the boxed strike zone, hits a button that signals a remote to the home plate umpire (like where the little box used to keep track of balls and strikes would be), and then the ump signals ball or strike. There would be a one second delay for every call, which would be virtually undetectable. Hell, you could do it right now without telling anybody and not one fan could tell the difference.

In theory, I guess you could use the same buzzer system, but with every penalty being called with a delayed flag, questions would be raised about the honesty of the reviewers. The reason it works in baseball is because we know when the calls will be made. Balls and strikes come at the same time, and we know exactly when. Holding, pass interference and just about every other call in football doesn't have the same timetable. Nothing has to be called. Sure, we'll expect some calls that are blatant (like the missed calls in the Packers game), but not all. This matters.

Because of this difference, the reviewer (or more accurately, reviewers) would have to watch the entire game in real time, like a referee with laser eyes. But that doesn't do a whole hell of a lot, because actual refs don't miss a whole hell of a lot. What they do miss is usually the consequence of the game being too fast, which would be the same problem a review booth would have if used in real time. What makes the booth effective now is that the game stops and they get to see multiple angles in slow motion.

So you really couldn't use it the same way baseball can. Football can, however, use it the second way I proposed:

With fair or foul calls, and calls at the bases, let the umps do their thing. There is ample time in between the call and the next pitch for someone in the booth the review it. If the call is wrong, they can just buzz the umpire. It would add what, one minute to each game? So be it.

This part would work. At the end of every play, as well as while the play is actually happening, the booth can go through things and see if anything was missed. Buzz the ref, throw the flag.

You need the human refs out there to make the calls and stop Albert Haynesworth from going American History X on guys, so there's no reason to scrap them altogether. Oh, and if you think this is going to slow things down, then you would have to admit that there are a lot of missed calls throughout a game. I'm talking over ten penalties, in which case we obviously need this.

I'm really tired of these hugely important games being affected by bad officiating. If someone can explain to me why the system we have now is the best available, please tell me. Then tell the Green Bay Packers fans.

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Kansas City, Here They Come

The new Millennium has been pretty disappointing so far. No flying cars, no teleporting, no sex robots. The saddest thing is that the latter is closest to happening. None of the things I was promised as a kid have come true. So I look to something that's probably more fiction than any of those other fantasies. My wish for 2010 and the decade to come? Continuity.

Seems simple enough, right? But when I watch Brian Kelly and Butch Jones leave for greener pastures, Bobby Bowden get forced out from an empire he built, and Urban Meyer decide to take the money and run - only to come back 24 hours later - it makes me pine for the days of your coach being your coach.

Not that it's only a problem for college football. Jim Zorn got 16 games to prove he's fireable. Raheem Morris and Tom Cable might have the same concerns. Then I see the Chiefs hire Charlie Weis as their new offensive coordinator, with Romeo Crennel possibly on the way to anchor the defense.

Of course, these were the two head assistants of the Patriots' dynasty, and they might be reunited. In their proper place, these two failed head coaches could return to their niche and bring glory back to Kansas City. But then what? Then they get new head coaching offers. And the band breaks up.

Selfishly, I would never want that. I'm a Chiefs fan and want sustained success. But even if the Weis/Crennel hit duo were in Buffalo or Washington, I would still want them to stay together. I enjoy the idea of a winning team accepting their roles and helping each other. The point to being great shouldn't be the ambition for a greater paycheck. In sports, it's to win championships.

I accept that there's a better chance of flying Hummers than the idea of a sports team keeping all their great parts. But why not? Let's say that a Weis/Crennel/Haley team brings in a Lombardi Trophy. Hell, let's say they bring in two. Is a bigger check and the chance of complete failure alluring enough to walk away? To keep with the band analogy, would you quit the Beatles for a solo career, or would you recognize the history you're making?

Maybe the Rolling Stones are the band we want to look up to. Everyone accepted their roles and worked together to build a legacy. Weis tried to cover "My Sweet Lord" at Notre Dame and hit the dirt, Crennel's Browns were even worse than McCartney's Wings. And while football's Lennon, Bill Belichick, isn't available, Kansas City currently has Ringo employed at head coach.

And when you look back at it, wouldn't Ringo, McCartney and Harrison be a fresh breath in these times? And perhaps the Kansas City Beatles could pave the way for the new Rolling Stones - a team that keeps everyone together so they can win, not further their own careers?

Yep, we're definitely closer to getting flying Hummers.

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The Coach Of The Decade

I've been trying real hard to come up with a synopsis of the last decade. Whether it's trying to explain how tragic it is that Radiohead seems to be the defining band of the 00's or how the internet has born an age of amateurs, nothing seems to be really important enough to collect my thoughts. But just as the decade was wrapping, and time seemed to be dwindling, Jim Caldwell came into my life.

The Colts were 14-0. Their last two games were against the Jets and the Bills; two teams prime for a beating. On the line was the title for the greatest football team there ever was, and solidifying Peyton Manning as the greatest quarterback of all time. Immortality was staring them in the eye. And their coach chose personal criticism over shooting the moon. This pisses me off.

Any trend over the last decade can be disputed and construed as personal and irrelevant. Perhaps I just don't understand Radiohead or couldn't feel the importance of Slumdog Millionare. Okay, I concede. But sports has one trend that cannot be disputed: the men that make the decisions are, in fact, affected by the media.

Let's get inside the mind of Jim Caldwell, or more accurately, our minds in Caldwell's position. We have one of two options; either play for 16-0 and football God status, or rest your starters. 16-0 sounds pretty good, right? So what's the upside of sitting Peyton Manning? That would be to save face in case you implode in the playoffs. If you lose, like Bill Belichick lost, after running the table in the regular season, your decision to rest or not rest your starters would be crux of criticism for the entire season and offseason. The debate between rest and momentum would define the year. This is, of course, a completely fake, media-based argument.

And that's alright, because that's what the media does. But a head coach of an NFL team - a 32 person fraternity - shouldn't be affected by this. In fact, he makes a lofty sum of money NOT to be affected by such things. But he obviously was. His own perception overruled his team's success. Why else would you not go for perfection?

When did the want for acceptance override the want for a win? In this decade, that's where. The 2000's is where perception became more important that anything else. Why else would a football man - a competitive man - not want to win?

Sports has become not a projection of excellence, but a mirage of calculated, over-thought analysis of what will work. Jim Caldwell is a prisoner of this new perception. He is not a football coach who made a bad decision. He is the coach of the decade.

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Thanks For Tradition

I hate to reference the same book in one week, but sometimes writing has an effect on you that cannot be shaken for at least a month. Like the first time I read The Kentucky Derby Is Decadent and Depraved, or the first time your daughter read Twilight.

Some interesting points were brought up in Chuck Klosterman's Eating the Dinosaur. One of which is the parallels between football and conservatism. On face value, conservatives probably love this idea, but the point, as I recall, is that both football and the conservative movement thrive on one main perception; though their fan base thinks that their beliefs stand on solid ground, in reality, the core ideals of both movements have adapted with the times so as to keep their stranglehold on the American public.

As football fanatics still believe the game they are watching now still has the same rules and philosophies as the game of old, so do conservatives believe that their party is consistent with the men who ran on the same namesake when they were kids. And of course, as any NBA fan or liberal will tell you, those beliefs are completely misguided.

Just as right-wing government has been passing around cash like Pacman Jones and conservative leaders are throwing family values out their mistress's window, football to has not been sticking to their core beliefs. During Monday night's Texans/Titans game, a defender was charged a fifteen yard penalty for "horse-collaring" Tennessee's Chris Johnson, when all he did was tug the back of Johnson's jersey. You can't sack a quarterback anymore without being brought up on charges. The conservative game of today was the liberal game of yesterday. The NFL has yet to accept change, though their game has progressed further than any Ralph Nader supporter.

But through all of it, one thing remains the same: the Dallas Cowboys and Detroit Lions will host games on Thanksgiving. The league has added a third rotation game to be broadcast on the NFL Network, but I (and more than likely you) do not get the NFL Network, so that doesn't count.

Debate has sprung on whether the NFL should scrap the Cowboys/Lions tradition and rotate all teams for a Thanksgiving game. A recent ESPN poll shows that every state except Texas and Michigan is in support of this idea, obviously. But would that be good for football?

I say no. In the Age of Information, certain things have come to light. Joe Namath wasn't very good, the worst team today (Raiders) would demolish the great teams of old. The game is different, as Klosterman pointed out. It's not the NFL you or I grew up with. Nothing is sacred. Al Davis is universally known as the worst owner, nobody outside of Kansas City knows who Lamar Hunt is.

But it didn't use to be this way. Al Davis was a genius at one time. It's true. But you wouldn't know it growing up with today's NFL. It's a completely different sport, and that's okay. Though, it would be nice to hold on to something old, something to remind us of what the league used to be like. If nothing else, that is watching the Cowboys and Lions play on Thanksgiving.

No it doesn't make sense, and it may be hurting the NFL. But just like conservatives, the idea of holding on to traditional values makes it all worth the while.

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More Than Words?

Monday morning in Kansas City was so very different, yet so much the same. The weather went from a sunny November to the cold, rainy winters I was used to as a kid. And just like the November Monday mornings of the 90s, the city would wake up fresh off a Chiefs win. But there were no feelings of hope, no optimism in the air. I woke up, turned on the radio, and all I heard was this:

It's embarrassing to have a head coach cursing like that on national television.

He's out of control.

I couldn't even watch the game with my children in the room.

Yes, head coach Todd Haley has an affinity for the F word. (Couldn't find good video of the game, but here's a classic Haley-to-Croyle interaction that paints a good enough picture.) This time around, Dwayne Bowe got the brunt of the punishment, and the entire city's sensibilities have been offended. The team won, which nowadays is cause for excessive celebration, but the only talk of the town is how coach Haley is immature and offensive. But the only F word these "fans" are really hurt by is this one: football.

In "Eating the Dinosaur", author Chuck Klosterman notes that in 1905, eighteen players died while playing football, and that the violence of the sport almost caused President Theodore Roosevelt to ban the sport. The game was seen as a bloody mess between neanderthals. The gladiators of modern times. This had been the reality of football from its inception, until recently, where violence is seen as the root of all evil.

In the last decade, the rise of concern for the safety of sports has been dramatic, with football on the forefront. Studies on concussions and the effects of banging heads for thirty straight years have been headlines in newspapers and topics of books. The verdict: playing football hurts, both short term and long term.

How is it then, that in the Age of Information, that we are just now learning what was deemed common sense for a century? Football is brutal. It is only for men. It's ruthless and unforgiving and will make you drool all over yourself by the time you are fifty. This isn't breakthrough science. I've known this since I was a child. During Oklahoma Drills in practice, when I was ten, we used to bash heads. And I even knew then that this was not for the timid. Hence, the writing gig.

But NFL Commissioners Pete Rozelle and Paul Tagliabue made a fortune on selling the American public that football was a game, not the rough and tough display of violence that it really is. And they bought it like it was a Shamwow. The perception of the NFL is completely different than its reality. These superstars may make millions on have reality shows and funny Twitter accounts, but make no mistake: these are hardened men that sacrifice their lives for the short starburst of glory. And that is what sports is all about.

This brings me to Todd Haley. He curses, he yells, he screams. He drops F-bombs like a sailor. Well, guess what. He is football. He is dirty, degrading and mean, which is everything the NFL stood for. This game is not for Gen X, Tipper Gore or soccer moms. Football was designed for men with no regard for their bodies who curse, spit and routinely try to end the lives of their opponents for the chance to one day hoist the Lombardi Trophy.

As Lombardi said himself. "I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious." This isn't a game. It is war. Deal with it.

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The Good, The Badass, & The Ugly

There are two circumstances where sports crosses over into life. The first is when a tragedy occurs. Think of George W. Bush's first pitch after 9/11, the first game Virginia Tech played after the massacre, etc. The second is when the troubles the rest of us have reaches our beloved superstars. Not in a Mike Vick/Plaxico Burress sort of way either. I mean, how many of us have murdered dogs or shot ourselves in a night club?

The Good

San Francisco Giants ace pitcher Tim Lincecum. The Cy Young winner who resembles Mitch Kramer from Dazed and Confused was charged with possession of 3.3 grams of marijuana after being pulled over for speeding. No doubt he was driving to his dealer's house to reload.

The Badass

Raiders coach Tom Cable, who we have recently learned not only beats up on assistant coaches, but smacks around women as well. The National Organization for Women thinks Cable should be suspended. Which seems funny, because the cumulative man--err--woman hours that organization has spent watching football is somewhere around 0.0-0.02.

The Ugly

Andre Agassi. According to his new book, Agassi smoked meth, tanked games, took speed at an early age, never liked Brooke Shields and was a pyromaniac. Or as it's known in tennis circles, "Pulling a McEnroe".


The reason I bring these three up is because they have done what sports commissioners and sports writers spend a lifetime trying to hide: athletes are exactly the same as us.

Granted, Tom Cable is not an athlete nor a superstar. But he has come to embody everything that the Oakland Raiders used to stand for: blue collar football thuggery. I say "used to" because the reality of sports in the 21st century has led us to believe this kind of behavior doesn't exist anymore. Like it or not, the Raiders conduct themselves like athletes of yesteryear, which everyone seems to agree was a better time for sports. They do not hide their shortcomings. Everyone who puts on the black and silver is an extension of Al Davis. And while that rarely translates to wins, it does translate into truth.

Lincecum and Agassi's stories are a little different. They are superstars. And while Agassi's life may be lazily construed as a warning against forcing children into professional athletics, I see it more as another story of another American person. No, we haven't all had the same problems, but we know somebody who does. I know a guy who used to do meth, a guy who for some reason did not love a beautiful woman, and a guy who thought he should abuse matches like Beavis (OK, that last one was me). Agassi is all of us, just wrapped into one.

The same goes with Lincecum. He smokes weed. We all have. If you haven't, then I have no idea why you would read anything on this website.

We've learned that Troy Aikman almost crushed his brain into mush because of his pride, Brett Favre is selfish, Pete Rose wanted to win too much, Isiah Thomas has a little bit of homophobia, and so on. In the 60s, 70s and 80s, being like everyone else and having flaws was the reason athletes became heroes. Mickey Mantle drank like your father. Hell, even JFK lusted like you do. It was alright, because there was no illusion.

Make no mistake, this is a good thing. We need it. It's why Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa are pariahs but Alex Rodriguez and Andy Pettitte are champions; the latter pair apologized. They admitted their flaws, which we can identify with. I say the more pot possessions, wife beatings and meth smoking the better. It's healthy to become comfortably numb to demons of reality. It's what makes the accomplishments of those who have risen above them that much more heroic.

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No Time For Losers

Losing, in fact, has never been a good thing. Well, unless you're discussing virginity. But I'm talking about sports, and losing in sports is the worst thing you can possibly do. You can cheat, lie, murder dogs, whatever. Just don't lose. Especially now.

As a Chiefs fan, I know my team will not win a championship this year. That's fine, it happens. But I find myself growing more disinterested in the teams that still have hope. I watch the Saints and Colts remain undefeated, however I remained bored. I see the NFC East as a battleground towards the playoffs, but I still stare blankly. The internet is to blame.

I do not feel that I am alone in the sentiment that information is not coming fast enough. That's weird to say in an age where you can get just about anything as fast as you can think it. But it's true. Sports remains one of the few frontiers where we still have to wait for information. Sadly enough, I am having trouble waiting. I can't be the only one.

For most of my life, I could get over my own team's woes by enjoying the league itself. It used to be fascinating just to watch things unfold. The Giants look great one week, then implode for three straight losses. The Dolphins might be changing the way the game is played before our very eyes, but it's not enough. I want to know. I want to know if Tony Romo and Brett Favre can keep it going. I want to know if Matt Cassel can earn his check. I want to know now.

This is a potential problem for all sports. Fans here in Kansas City are turning off the Chiefs and Royals sooner every year, and I don't think they are replacing that viewership with the Colts and Yankees. We simply are watching less.

This is possibly why college football refuses to change the BCS. For everything that is wrong with the system (and there is a lot), it does achieve one thing: instantaneous knowledge. When USC lost to Oregon, we knew right then and there that they would not play for a national title. Even though we pretend like the future is uncertain for teams like TCU and Boise State, in reality, we know they can't play for a title either.

The problem with a playoff system is that it keeps us guessing. If the Saints and Colts are the two best teams, through the eye test and their records, it ensures nothing other than a first round bye. The Patriots can go 18-0, but nothing is certain until the final whistle of Game #19. This used to be the beauty of it, but in the Internet Age, it may not hold.

Yes, this is sad commentary on our technological world, but that doesn't mean it should be ignored. Extremely odd things are happening in the dynamics of sports. The thirst for information is starting to ruin things. This is no time for your teams to be losing.

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Free Speech For The Dumb

Damn it all. I'm going to talk about Rush Limbaugh again.

As we all know by now, Rush has been cut by Dave Checketts' group bidding to buy the St. Louis Rams. Hey, it was bound to happen. Joining this news in the "completely obvious" department was the inevitable Limbaugh quotes that followed.

You know, that this was "Obama's America on full display". What does that even mean? To me, it means one thing: that Obama is all about that free market, baby.

Which should make Rush happy. I mean, is there anybody who is more pro-free market than Rush Limbaugh? Because that is what happened here. Checketts & Co. decided that for them to make money, they would have to drop from their bid what consumers had deemed undesirable. It may not be right, it may not be the smart move. Rush could have a genius football mind, for all we know. But the market dictated the move.

But forget quotes like "The hatred that exists in this is found in the sportswriter community, it's found in the news business, it's found in the race hustler business". It doesn't really matter anyways. Rush lovers will still love Rush. Like guys who love the band Rush. They, sadly, will never change.

And more importantly, neither will the NFL. I am constantly amazed how powerful this organization is. Limbaugh would have come out victorious if this was the political world, by either gaining the bid or looking like a martyr. In the NFL? Roger Goodell got rid of this story without a chink in the NFL shield. It's impressive really.

Think about it. Football has no steroid scandals. Baseball has been ruined by it. The NBA's biggest concern is the thuggish perception of its players. The NFL has Pacman, Donte' and Vick, and still goes on without a hitch. It's not like the product is that good, either. The game itself has been in steady decline with all of the bad officiating, lack of parity, stupid rules, etc. But the league still cannot be touched.

Goodell could be a Rush supporter (and I would bet on it), but no one, and I mean no one, challenges the shield. Being an owner is a privilege, even if you're on the right.

Limbaugh may have half the country on his side, but it doesn't matter. Nobody is bigger than the NFL. So slam the league, slam the critics. You have that right. Don't plan it meaning anything, though, because at the end of the day, sports is about winning, not politics. Stats are more important than opinions. And boy, is that refreshing right now. You know, in "Obama's America".

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Vote for Rush!

When I first heard that Rush Limbaugh was trying to become part owner of the St. Louis Rams, the first thing I thought was the same thing about half this country thought: hell no. First off, let me make clear that this is not really political. I don't care about left/right qualms. Limbaugh is 51% insane, 49% opportunist. This is not debatable. Anyone who listens to him for anything more than entertainment value should have their voting rights revoked, and probably should not be allowed to breed. And no, I am not a Democrat nor have I ever voted for one. This isn't about beliefs, it's about somebody who could rival Jerry Jones as the craziest owner in the league. And nothing but good could come of it.

Think about it. If you are a Rush fan, then first, bang your head against the wall one thousand times. Okay, now hear me out. Imagine an all-white, all-Christian NFL team. It works out perfectly, since the Rams will more than likely have the first pick in the draft, and yes, Tim Tebow is your man. I mean, is there any other choice? Start new. Imagine the Edward Jones Dome looking like this. You can prove to the world your superiority, trading for Kevin Curtis, Brian Urlacher, whoever. And you could get them easily by trading your best black players (see, the joke's on them; everyone knows black players are only worth 25% of the white players in a trade!). It will show the country, nay, the world, that your beliefs are right.

Or...

What will really happen. He becomes part owner. 95% of black free agents refuse to sign with the Rams, which is significant, because the Rams are awful. Possibly the first black rookie they draft pulls a Crabtree. Everything goes along as normal, until the first time Rush opens his mouth and says something blatantly racist. Players start to speak out. Advertisers gets nervous, pull out their spots, and King Goodell lowers his hand and with one fell swoop, knocks Rush back into radio. Let me ask you Limbaugh haters, or as I like to call them, the "educated": wouldn't this be the best case scenario. His dribble wouldn't just be heard by Fox News supporters and abortion clinic bombers; it would be heard by the entire NFL audience. Rush's biggest advantage is that he preaches to the choir. Now he can't choose his listeners, and we all remember the Donovan McNabb fiasco...

I know conservatives are going to read this and get pissed. Fine. Feel free to hit the tiny little X on the top right of your screen. Because there's something telling that players have come out against Rush, and none have come out for him. There's merit in the fact that SportsNation's Michelle Beadle had the most obvious look of disgust on her face with the mere mention of his name (and ESPN isn't the most liberal network on the planet). It means something when this is even an issue. Rush Limbaugh isn't even controversial anymore. He draws the line. It's a line between the sane and insane. You can't come out in a neutral setting for him without getting blasted, and there's a reason behind that.

So I welcome Rush into the NFL. I will enjoy seeing him show his true colors. Guess what color that is.

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