Free Speech For The Dumb

Damn it all. I'm going to talk about Rush Limbaugh again.

As we all know by now, Rush has been cut by Dave Checketts' group bidding to buy the St. Louis Rams. Hey, it was bound to happen. Joining this news in the "completely obvious" department was the inevitable Limbaugh quotes that followed.

You know, that this was "Obama's America on full display". What does that even mean? To me, it means one thing: that Obama is all about that free market, baby.

Which should make Rush happy. I mean, is there anybody who is more pro-free market than Rush Limbaugh? Because that is what happened here. Checketts & Co. decided that for them to make money, they would have to drop from their bid what consumers had deemed undesirable. It may not be right, it may not be the smart move. Rush could have a genius football mind, for all we know. But the market dictated the move.

But forget quotes like "The hatred that exists in this is found in the sportswriter community, it's found in the news business, it's found in the race hustler business". It doesn't really matter anyways. Rush lovers will still love Rush. Like guys who love the band Rush. They, sadly, will never change.

And more importantly, neither will the NFL. I am constantly amazed how powerful this organization is. Limbaugh would have come out victorious if this was the political world, by either gaining the bid or looking like a martyr. In the NFL? Roger Goodell got rid of this story without a chink in the NFL shield. It's impressive really.

Think about it. Football has no steroid scandals. Baseball has been ruined by it. The NBA's biggest concern is the thuggish perception of its players. The NFL has Pacman, Donte' and Vick, and still goes on without a hitch. It's not like the product is that good, either. The game itself has been in steady decline with all of the bad officiating, lack of parity, stupid rules, etc. But the league still cannot be touched.

Goodell could be a Rush supporter (and I would bet on it), but no one, and I mean no one, challenges the shield. Being an owner is a privilege, even if you're on the right.

Limbaugh may have half the country on his side, but it doesn't matter. Nobody is bigger than the NFL. So slam the league, slam the critics. You have that right. Don't plan it meaning anything, though, because at the end of the day, sports is about winning, not politics. Stats are more important than opinions. And boy, is that refreshing right now. You know, in "Obama's America".

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Big Brother, Where Art Thou?

Game Two between the Twins and Yankees had fantastic drama. A-Rod gets the monkey off his back and ties the game in the ninth. Mark Teixeira hits the game-winner in the bottom of the 11th. Baseball should be loving this, right? Unfortunately, at the top of the 11th, Joe Mauer's double that was called foul left a big black mark on the series. As have some questionable calls at first, and the strike zones which seem to have no consistency at all. The game is too big for this, too much money and passion is involved. Things needs to change.

Convincing the good ol' boys of baseball to install instant replay for home runs was like trying to convince Glenn Beck that Obama doesn't sneak out of the White House at night to eat children. Met with way too much resistance, Bud Selig and the gang made it seem nearly impossible that any other type of replay could be used. Yes, we all want it, but if getting the home run calls took that much effort, what will we have to do to get instant replay for foul balls and safe calls?

Two arguments go into the mindset of keeping the game where it is. One is that instant replay slows down the game. Well, here's a secret: people that think baseball is too slow do not watch baseball. When is the last time you heard someone say, "I love the Mets, but if these games start going an extra ten minutes longer, I'm out"? So let's put that to rest, it is a non-issue.

The second case is to protect the "human element" of the game. As if it's somewhat charming to have umpires who blow calls like Lindsey Lohan blows lines. Give me a break. Does anyone outside of the game actually care about this? I propose something different, something radical.

How about every call is booth reviewed? Every ball, every strike, every close call. If TBS can install a strike zone during its telecast, why can't the MLB? It's easy: someone upstairs watches the pitch using the boxed strike zone, hits a button that signals a remote to the home plate umpire (like where the little box used to keep track of balls and strikes would be), and then the ump signals ball or strike. There would be a one second delay for every call, which would be virtually undetectable. Hell, you could do it right now without telling anybody and not one fan could tell the difference.

With fair or foul calls, and calls at the bases, let the umps do their thing. There is ample time in between the call and the next pitch for someone in the booth the review it. If the call is wrong, they can just buzz the umpire. It would add what, one minute to each game? So be it. You know what makes games long? Managers coming out to bitch about bad calls. You think Lou Piniella would come out and argue with the ump if he wasn't the one who made the decision? There would be nobody to yell at. Nothing would be disputable.

Somebody tell me how this would not work. I'm curious. The game would change, yes, but times have changed. Baseball is no longer a past time, it is a billion dollar business. It's time to get things right.

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Vote for Rush!

When I first heard that Rush Limbaugh was trying to become part owner of the St. Louis Rams, the first thing I thought was the same thing about half this country thought: hell no. First off, let me make clear that this is not really political. I don't care about left/right qualms. Limbaugh is 51% insane, 49% opportunist. This is not debatable. Anyone who listens to him for anything more than entertainment value should have their voting rights revoked, and probably should not be allowed to breed. And no, I am not a Democrat nor have I ever voted for one. This isn't about beliefs, it's about somebody who could rival Jerry Jones as the craziest owner in the league. And nothing but good could come of it.

Think about it. If you are a Rush fan, then first, bang your head against the wall one thousand times. Okay, now hear me out. Imagine an all-white, all-Christian NFL team. It works out perfectly, since the Rams will more than likely have the first pick in the draft, and yes, Tim Tebow is your man. I mean, is there any other choice? Start new. Imagine the Edward Jones Dome looking like this. You can prove to the world your superiority, trading for Kevin Curtis, Brian Urlacher, whoever. And you could get them easily by trading your best black players (see, the joke's on them; everyone knows black players are only worth 25% of the white players in a trade!). It will show the country, nay, the world, that your beliefs are right.

Or...

What will really happen. He becomes part owner. 95% of black free agents refuse to sign with the Rams, which is significant, because the Rams are awful. Possibly the first black rookie they draft pulls a Crabtree. Everything goes along as normal, until the first time Rush opens his mouth and says something blatantly racist. Players start to speak out. Advertisers gets nervous, pull out their spots, and King Goodell lowers his hand and with one fell swoop, knocks Rush back into radio. Let me ask you Limbaugh haters, or as I like to call them, the "educated": wouldn't this be the best case scenario. His dribble wouldn't just be heard by Fox News supporters and abortion clinic bombers; it would be heard by the entire NFL audience. Rush's biggest advantage is that he preaches to the choir. Now he can't choose his listeners, and we all remember the Donovan McNabb fiasco...

I know conservatives are going to read this and get pissed. Fine. Feel free to hit the tiny little X on the top right of your screen. Because there's something telling that players have come out against Rush, and none have come out for him. There's merit in the fact that SportsNation's Michelle Beadle had the most obvious look of disgust on her face with the mere mention of his name (and ESPN isn't the most liberal network on the planet). It means something when this is even an issue. Rush Limbaugh isn't even controversial anymore. He draws the line. It's a line between the sane and insane. You can't come out in a neutral setting for him without getting blasted, and there's a reason behind that.

So I welcome Rush into the NFL. I will enjoy seeing him show his true colors. Guess what color that is.

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Just Say No... To The Olympics

You'll have to excuse me, because this column is more political than sports related, but the Olympics are technically sports. Well, some of it. And President Obama has been taking a lot of heat about his campaign to get the 2016 Games in Chicago. Not just from the usual suspects - Hannity, Limbaugh, etc. - but from the sports community and really, the entire country. Nobody seems to want the Games here, which is a good thing. No, a great thing.

After a failed war, a failed economy and failed health care reform, people seem to care a lot more about real issues than puffing out their patriotic chests. We don't want our politicians, let alone the President, wasting time trying to host a bunch of pseudo-sports. We're no longer interested in being the center of attention, because let's face it, we're not that attractive anymore. If America was Britney Spears, then we have moved from Schoolgirl Britney to Shaved Head White Trash Britney. We need time to grow our hair back, check into rehab and lose some weight before we thrust ourselves back into the limelight.

I understand too that the Games aren't for another seven years. We could use it as motivation, like signing up at a gym for an entire year in advance; we made the commitment, so we're now forced to make some changes. But really, do we need any more motivation? If the past decade can't bring along the changes we need, then nothing will. Not even table tennis.

So I applaud America. Somewhere along the way, the people have stopped caring so much about appearing to be #1, and started to care more about actually being #1. It is now a time to retreat, a time of reflection. Bring the troops home, maybe on their way they can swing by and pick up Obama. Let's concentrate on ourselves for once, and not what everyone else in the world thinks about us. Let this one go. Maybe when we get back on our feet, we can put in another bid, and be truly proud to show the world what we are all about. Which we don't really need, because this new American attitude says a lot more than any Olympics ever could.

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Royals. I'm Not Lovin' It.

In Kansas City, as the Royals' season winds down (as it has been since May), the talk around town is how the franchise needs success not to hold onto current fans, but to insure that the younger generations grow up in baseball culture. I was born a few months after the Royals won the World Series - I have never seen good hometown baseball, and neither has anyone of my generation. I'm still a fan, as I was born into it, but many people my age just don't care. It's why every season in every sport matters so much. You need to be constantly hooking the younger fans.

It's why McDonald's advertises. Those commercials aren't for you and me, we know where to go for a burger, they're there so every kid in America will know McDonald's. You don't pay billions in advertising dollars unless it has an effect.

If the Yankees are the McDonald's of the baseball world, then the Royals are Jack in the Box. George Brett retired in 1993, the same year JINB had their E. coli epidemic. I was seven years old at the time. Since then, there has been no reason to care about the Royals, and JINB has been known for nothing other than killing people. However, in the past few years, the restaurant chain has made a comeback, equipped with a new mascot and a new look. And it's working.

Americans under twenty don't know about the E. coli breakout, they only know the fake Jack in the Box CEO with the Barry Bonds-sized head they see on television. The chain could have done the same thing in 1994, but more than likely it wouldn't have worked. The time was ripe for change, as it is now with the Royals. They too need a face lift, but of course, replacing Slugger and spending money on ads won't do the trick. Slugger has a big enough head as it is anyways.

But they are running out of time. The reason JITB has able to resurface was because not only did the young audience not remember the controversy, but they did remember the brand. They've always been around, so it wasn't a new name. The only difference was the appearance of success. If the Royals strike now, they can keep the younger fans who at least remember George Brett, or even Mike Sweeney. But if they wait, they will only be left with a future of kids who don't trust the organization and don't expect anything but failure. And those kids will not become fans.

2010 might be the most important season of the Royals franchise. Fail now, and future success may not even matter. At the very least, they can become the Hardees of the MLB; not very good for you, but addicting and it keeps you coming back for more. And at this point, I'm fine with that.

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You Can't Always Get What You Want, Part Two

When LeBron James left the court after the end of the Eastern Conference Finals, refusing to shake hands or even saying a word to the champion Orlando Magic, the first thing that came to mind was: this reminds me of Michael Jordan. In June, I wrote, "I think it's clear that if Michael Jordan was playing in today's game, his legendary competitiveness would be chalked up to thuggery and selfishness." Well, in the aftermath of Jordan's Hall of Fame induction speech, I have to say, I was right.

ESPN's Rick Reilly, the posterboy of a dying style of sportswriting that once made the Sports Illustrated writer an icon, called Jordan's speech "tactless, egotistical and unbecoming." These also happen to be three of the qualities that made Michael Jordan the undisputed king of basketball. As Reilly points out in his own article, former Bulls assistant coach Johnny Bach has said about Jordan, "This guy is a killer. He's a cold-blooded assassin. It's not enough for him to beat you. He wants you dead."

That's what it takes sometimes to be the greatest ever. Jordan never quit trying to win. He still doesn't want to quit, which is why he seemed so upset during his induction; going into the Hall signifies the end, and for the best competitor the game has ever known, there is no end.

But nobody wants to hear it. Jordan's speech was disgusting and disrespectful. The irony, of course, is that when Jordan was a player, the most common criticism slung his way was that he was too corporate, too fake. People wanted the real Jordan. Well, be careful for what you wish for. You were given to real MJ, and you rebelled against it.

Or did you? You see, this shouldn't have caught Mr. Reilly off guard. In an SI column in June of 1993, Reilly wrote, "Whatever searing obsession is inside Jordan driving him to be the most dauntless basketball player on earth, does not suddenly leak out of his Nikes when he leaves the court." Seems as if Reilly has gotten old, as he is doing the same thing with Tiger Woods.

Don't get mad at Jordan, Woods or James for not being able to shut off the valve of competitiveness that got them where they are today. The best of the best are wired differently. It's a trait that is applauded when they are athletes but shunned in real life, as Reilly has properly demonstrated. So don't be surprised when after asking year after year for athletes to come out of their shell, you find that their real self is less than socially acceptable. It usually is for people with losing mentalities.

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You Can't Always Get What You Want, Part One

Sports fans are a fickle bunch. Tony LaRussa gets railed for swapping pitchers too much, but Grady Little was run out of Boston for leaving his pitcher in too long. Fans boo when the home team punts on fourth-and-one, but become Monday Morning Quarterbacks when their team goes for it and fails. Even when changed is called upon for decades, once the real change happens, they panic like rednecks when Obama was elected.

For as long as I can remember, fans have berated announcers for their lack of knowledge and insight. Don't get me wrong, most arguments against announcers are based in fact. John Madden couldn't tell you anything about a play that a thirteen year old couldn't point out. Same goes with Tim McCarver, Rich Gannon, and well, just about every color guy. The only purpose they serve is to explain plays to people who know nothing about the game, which is something around 3% of the viewing audience. They are, in fact, worthless.

ESPN's season opening Monday Night Football double header provided fans with a different audio experience. The network's Mike & Mike, teamed with Steve Young, gave us a new angle. No, it wasn't Dennis Miller new, but it wasn't the same old "analysis" we usually get. These guys knew and worked with each other before the pairing, and it showed. They bantered, they talked over each other. The trio sounded like any three guys watching a football game. And people hated them for it.

Immediately after the game, I tuned to two different national sports radio shows to hear the same thing: Mike & Mike & Steve sucked. The next day at the water cooler (or more aptly in the 21st century, the ashtray outside), the talk was the same; the broadcast was unprofessional, unpolished and unlistenable. Message boards around the net resonated the same. But what is it that fans want? Do they even know?

Fact is, we have been conditioned to the polished, unintruding ways of Madden and McCarver. As much as people bash them, they at the same time can;t stand anything but. Dennis Miller was chased out like Frankenstein's monster because his humor wasn't mindless and fake like the kind you see on pregame telecasts. Young and Golic's banter was deemed annoying because it wasn't scripted like Buck and McCarver's. And Greenberg's play-by-play is denounced as boring because he doesn't have an on-air orgasm after every first down like Gus Johnson.

Already the abuse is being directed towards the regular MNF crew and newbie Jon Gruden. My favorite sportswriter, Joe Posnanski, even repeatedly Tweeted during tonight's game about the awful announcing. Well, what do we want? If we can't stand more of the same, maybe we should not be so quick to overreact to a new formula. You can't bitch about everything all the time. We need a little Steve Young and Dennis Miller. Or if not, we need to stop whining about the status quo that we refuse to change.

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