The Resurrection of Beavis and Butthead

Since it's a slow sports day, I'm sharing this here. For all my non-sports articles, click on the Facebook line above.


I'm not sure how many people can say this and be telling the truth, but my life would probably be completely different if it weren't for Beavis and Butthead. The show aired from 1993-1997, at which time I was between seven and eleven years old. I had just graduated from the childhood developmental stages and was on my way to becoming an actual person. My parents also got divorced during these four years. Needless to say, this was probably the most important time of my life, as I spent more time by myself than ever before and was starting to understand the world around me.

And that world's epicenter was MTV. I was an MTV addict. Whenever the phrase "spring break" is uttered, I still think of Pauly Shore and the "Spring Break Moment" theme (do they still do that?). I consumed everything. I still have debates on who was the best Singled Out co-host (Jenny McCarthy). But the one show that caught my attention more than any other was Beavis and Butthead.

By the time the show was canceled, I had already became a die-hard Metallica fan, a full-fledged heavy metal junkie. Mind you, I was still in grade school, and most of my classmates' idea of music was whatever songs teachers made us sing in class. It wasn't like it is today, where nine year olds are already on their third cellphone and second iPod. My mother forbid me to watch it (fat chance) when I almost burned the house down my making a bonfire in my bedroom. Ah, the good ole days.

The show had a serious impact on my life, as funny as that sounds. Though I barely knew what half the references were, the idea of kids who did nothing but watch MTV, eat nachos and listen to Megadeth seemed like a dream. I wanted to be Beavis. How big of a fan am I? The backdrop on my phone is from the Halloween episode where Beavis turns into Cornholio, and my ringtone is the show's theme song. Yeah.

So it would seem only natural that when rumors started to swirl about a possible revival, I would be stoked. This is all speculation, but if there is a revival of the show, it sounds like it will be modernized. Not in a way that makes the boys more 2010 (I don't even think that's possible), but the world around them will be. From what I hear, the videos they mock won't be that of Helmet and Bruce Willis, but of Lady Gaga and Fall Out Boy. At first glance, this seemed like a horrible idea. After all, what holds B&B dear to my heart is the fact that they were so 1990s.

The only thing that makes me hesitant is MTV. I don't care whether or not they air it (currently no deal is in place, and the new episodes may be internet-only), but that MTV no longer shows music videos. What made the show cool for kids like me was that Beavis and Butthead were kids like me. They hung around and just watched MTV all day. But MTV today is all reality shows. No eleven year old can in 2010 can relate to watching music videos all day. At least not on television.

The ironic thing is that B&B paved the way for successful non-music programming on MTV. The "M" no longer stands for "Music", but rather "Mainstream". It simply cannot resonate with this new generation. All a revival can do is satisfy the kids of the 90s who have pined for more episodes for over a decade. But is that worth it? What's the point if you can't engage a new audience?

I see this failing hard. Not in my eyes, but that of the public, and that will ruin its legacy. If this will truly work, have the boys' Mystery Science Theater inspired commentary be in front of a computer, making fun of YouTube videos. Oh wait, Tosh.0 already does that.

Time to face it: the reign is over. Beavis and Butthead is nothing more than a piece of my past and I couldn't ever explain it to my children any more than I could explain the importance of the Black Album; you either get it or you don't. I want more of the show, but I don't need it.

With that being said, if the genius that is Mike Judge somehow pulls this off, and make B&B not only funny but also relevant, it may be one of the greatest achievements of the new decade. I just have my doubts. Recreating the past is usually just the masking of lack of new ideas. I really, sincerely hope I am wrong.

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Obey Your Master

I am white. Like, really white. My skin resembles that of Edward's in "Twilight". I like heavy metal and whiskey. My tattoos have colors. So it goes without saying that 99% of the time, I cannot stand and am vehemently against the words that come out of Reverend Jesse Jackson's mouth.

Let me present to you, that rare occurrence of the 1%.

I know I am in the minority here (no pun intended), when I say that I actually agree with Jackson's take on LeBron James. Well, not completely. Let me explain.

In case you didn't hear, the Rev. had this to say about Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert, and his tirade over LeBron choosing Miami over Cleveland:

He speaks as an owner of LeBron and not the owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers. His feelings of betrayal personify a slave master mentality. He sees LeBron as a runaway slave. This is an owner employee relationship - between business partners - and LeBron honored his contract.

Ah, the race card. Expect nothing less. You also should expect each and every individual in the country to come out to bash Jackson, and his love affair with making any issue about race. Of course, the LeBron James Fiasco (as I like to call it) has little to do with racism. But the idea of sports owners having a "slave master mentality" hit a chord with me. It made me think. Is he right?

I don't mean to suggest that owners think of their players as slaves. But why is it that Dan Gilbert reacted so strangely and violently to Lebron leaving? I am of the opinion that Gilbert took the whole thing personally, as if James was saying to him: "You are not good enough. You made me do this. You cannot run a business. I am better than you". And while I'm sure Mr. Gilbert has heard this before in his lifetime, I doubt he's heard it from a 25 year old black man who just proclaimed it in front of ten million people.

The problem here is role reversal, not just between blacks and whites, but of all owners and players. Long gone are the days of teams just buying and trading players, like, ahem, slaves. Now you must kiss the feet of King James. And in Gilbert's case, you might get kicked in the teeth afterwards. That is a hard pill for a rich and powerful man to swallow. So instead Gilbert spit back at the King. Wrong move, Dan.

I suspect what Rev. Jackson was trying to say, albeit poorly, was that Dan Gilbert felt entitled have LeBron James, a sentiment echoed by every sports fan in the state of Ohio. And why would he/they feel that way? It is a fact that Cleveland horribly managed their team, failing to put anything remotely resembling a championship roster around LeBron. So this sense of entitlement means that Ohioans believed that James belonged to them, whether he liked it or not; that it was not his choice to not want to play in Cleveland. They had already written his script. But LeBron freed himself of what they wanted and what we as sports fans wanted. He went after what he wanted.

Granted, when you consider the mouthpiece those quotes came from, and how scared Americans get when race is interjected in any conversation (especially sports), the common reaction will be "there he goes again...". But I see the validity in Jackson's overall point. LeBron James is an athlete who may have tarnished his legacy and his hero-status in his hometown to win basketball games. Not only that, but he rubbed it in our faces as well. He did exactly what everyone wanted him not to do. And we responded with disgust that he would dare not play by our rules.

But we play by LeBron's, and any other star athlete's rules now. He has set the precedent. He is our master.

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Defending LeBron

Wow, I guess everyone hates LeBron James. How could you not? The guy gets nothing but praise, yet couldn't win a championship with Antwan Jamison and Mo Williams. And instead of just choosing a team to sign with this summer, he forced teams to come to him, and -gasp- show him why he should sign there. And when all of the hype got to the boiling point, and it seemed everybody was fed up with the speculation, he had the gall to tell us all the exact time and place we would learn his new destination.

Can you sense my sarcasm?

I'd like to thank the sports fans of America for completely ruining the Summer of LeBron. I've been excited for this for awhile now, just waiting to immerse myself in talks about sign and trades, cap room and player movement. And for the most part, it was as good as I thought it would be. But the misdirected hate towards LeBron has soured it. I can't take it anymore. It's disgusting and completely ill-informed.

Take Yahoo NBA analyst Adrian Wojnarowski, who wrote the following:

The Championship of Me comes crashing into a primetime cable infomercial that LeBron James and his cronies have been working to make happen for months, a slow, cynical churning of manufactured drama that sports has never witnessed. As historic monuments go, this is the Rushmore of basketball hubris and narcissism. The vacuous star for our vacuous times. All about ‘Bron and all about nothing.

James is throwing a few foosball tables at Boys & Girls Clubs, an empty gesture out of the empty superstar. He’s turned free agency into the title of our times, a preening pageant of fawning, begging and pleading. Hard-working people are dragged into municipalities and told to hold signs, chant scripted slogans and beg a diva who doesn’t care about them to accept a $100 million contract.

This just about sums it up; everything is LeBron's fault. He has "dragged" people into this, made them "beg". Except, you know, he hasn't really done anything. He was in the position to ask NBA teams to pitch to him. Those teams were more than happy to oblige. Once the media showed fans where these meetings would be held, they took it upon themselves to come out in droves and show James their support. Wow, what a monster!

Writers like Wojnarowski are who you should direct your disdain towards. He has spent all this time regurgitating the same speculations and rumors everybody else has, and is getting paid for it. His Twitter account has gained in popularity. He has, in fact, talked it about more than most LeBron supporters. He is a hypocrite and is partly responsible for Thursday's circus.

The truth remains that James' decision is the single most important event concerning the future of the NBA. That's why the media is covering this in the first place. And it is they, along with Mr. Wojnarowski, who have beaten it into us 24/7 ever since the end of Game Seven. All any NBA fan needed was the rumors and inside information. And yes, ESPN might have taken it further, but it was the naysayers who first started talking about non-basketball related issues, like what LeBron was wearing during these interviews.

Don't be mad at LeBron going through the motions of what is not only a huge decision for his life, but for the welfare of the league of which he plays in. The NBA with him in New York is a different NBA than if he stays in Cleveland. And mind you, this is a 25 year old making this decision. You were probably doing Jager-bombs with chubby college girls when you were his age. So shut it.

If you don't like how this whole thing has played out, remember: LeBron has no control on how he is perceived. He holds a lot of power, but as this hate-fest has showed, he cannot shape our opinions. That's what newspapers and television do. And what New Media and the internet age does now, is break apart our heroes and beat them down into dust. We no longer want our athletes to be bigger than life, rather, we want somebody to show us why they are no better than we are.

Well, LeBron is better than you. I'm guessing he's better than you in just about everything. He is definitely more accomplished as a 25 year old than most people, more mature as well. His response to people saying enough was to push this whole fiasco into one hour on a Thursday night. He's giving us what we want without dragging it out any longer.

Save your hate for the media. There was a time when they would champion the best, now they want to become part of the story. Don't let 'em.

Just know that when this is all over, James' decision will still matter in the NBA while the media's coverage of this last few weeks will be long forgotten. The King will write his own book. Let's just hope Adrian Wojnarowski doesn't write one any time soon.

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