Divorcing the Royals

I am in a very bad relationship. She beats me, hurts me, leaves me emotionally scarred almost every single night. Sometimes it can ruin my whole day just thinking about her. And yet, I keep coming home. I endure. My friends and family tell me to leave, that I deserve better. But I can't.

She, of course, is the Kansas City Royals. We've been together for 24 years now. Sadly, the last time she was even somewhat of a decent person was the year before we met. I do love her, but the pain has increasingly become much higher than the pleasure. I'm thinking of divorcing the Royals.

It's the most dreadful thing a sports fan can think about. There is no turning back once you let go of a sports team, because if you return when things start going well, then you become the worst kind of fan there is. It's permanent. No remarriages.

But enough is enough. It's one thing not to spend money. A lot of teams have small payrolls. Actually, there are ten teams that spent less this year than Kansas City did. One of those teams, Tampa Bay, might be the best team in baseball, and made a World Series appearance two years ago. It's not about the money, honey.

It's about the lack of caring. When you trot out the likes of Kyle Farnsworth and Bruce Chen to ruin the careers of Zack Greinke and Luke Hochevar, then there is a problem. When you lead the league in batting average, but come in dead last in team ERA, then you are wasting talent. Joe Posnanski tweeted the other day that since August of 2008, Greinke has had an ERA of 2.11, and in those games, the Royals are 22-24. This is unacceptable.

It seems that every decision this organization makes is the wrong one. The youth never pans out, the veterans are already washed up. I can get over the fact that we couldn't keep Jermaine Dye, Carlos Beltran and Johnny Damon; we're a small market team, it happens. But when you do have those guys and let them waste away and get bitter because you're unable to surround them with anything resembling a major league ball club? That is when it gets hard to swallow.

The scouts are never right, and somehow, through regime changes and everything, still this team seems incapable of understanding how to put a decent team on the field. Bad luck is one thing. Not every high draft pick will be a Hall of Famer. But to ignore stats, ignore history and ignore the windows of opportunity when they appear is just offensive to me. Why the hell should I support a team who at worst doesn't care about winning, and at best is completely ignorant and helpless?

I'm not breaking up with you yet, Royals, but I'm definitely taking some time away. Perhaps see some other people (don't worry, not your sister, the Cardinals. I hate that bitch). When I come back next Spring, you have better changed your ways. I simply cannot take any more of this. I don't want to, but I will divorce your ass. And if I'm lucky, I'm taking the kids, Zack and Billy, with me.